i'm sorry....

one thing that we have been trying to impress upon ella is the importance of apologizing and forgiveness. we believe it is important for her to recognize what she did wrong, who was harmed/wronged in the process, to approach that person, look in their eyes, apologize for "blank" and ask for forgiveness, then hug. well...you know how i also believe that our children are here to sanctify us? they certainly do. several weeks ago, it hit me, when have i ever apologized and asked for forgiveness from ella? with big, obvious things, of course i do! but what i became convicted of is that i don't do that in the little things...like when my tone of voice is not what it should be or when i say something harshly or when i don't do what i say i was going to. that was a hard pill to swallow! until then it had not occurred to me to apologize to her and ask for forgiveness for my actions in those small things. but those small things really are big things. my voice will be the words in her head one day; my tone will carry through years; and not keeping promises certainly hurts the trust in our relationship. and maybe it's because she is now 4 1/2 and we are both more aware of our actions toward each other; she is able to understand much more. maybe i'm the only one coming across this, seemingly a little late, but maybe not. so i wanted to share my shortcomings in case it might help someone else. (o: love your littles as much as you can squeeze in every minute of every day

unplugged...well sort of...

it's been about 2 weeks since we got rid of cable. and by get rid of cable, i mean no cable, no tv service at all, not even one channel, there is only black and white fuzz when you turn on the tv. we took back the comcast box with its magical dvr and instant information guide and the on demand access. back to the dark ages? ha not quite, we do still have Internet, obviously, and we have our tvs but now the only option is dvds. it may seem a bit odd in this day to be getting rid of such a thing. believe me i think it might be harder on me and jerm than ella. our reasoning, just in case you are curious...for one the cost!! just by cutting out cable, our bill went from about $140 to about $20 per month! that is a great benefit but the biggest issue was the girls and what is on tv and what tv was doing to our relationships. ella was seeing/hearing things we weren't ready for her to experience. tv was also becoming something she asked for constantly and we don't want to fight that battle. tv stole alot of our quality time as a family. when the tv was on, no one talked, everyone just stared at it. we want to be able to cultivate our relationship with the girls and at the same time help them to cultivate their minds and bodies. now don't get me wrong, the tv is on at some point most days but we are able to choose what ella watches and when she watches it. so mostly that means shirley temple, veggie tales, mr. rogers, etc. so that i can actually get a bath that day! it has been amazing to see how in just 2 weeks, ella's general behavior/attitude is better, she more eagerly plays and colors, bedtime usually goes smoother, at night after dinner we are spending more time together talking, reading, and cuddling, and I don't know if it's coincidence or not but i have read 2 books and almost done with a very long 3rd--and i only had 2-3 tv shows i "had" to watch. it's nice not to have to think about when am i going to watch my shows or our shows together or jerm to watch his shows. in our already hectic life, with little family time, i see now how much time and energy was wasted on the shows. i love the shows, still do, but it's a nice relief not to have to think about them. we are praying that this will draw us closer as a family and that our relationship with the girls and each other will grow stronger. and of course we are not judging anyone that has cable; this was just a personal choice that works best for our family. and to my friends who have cable...rest assured i will expect you to fill me in on the world...with no cable, no news, no newspaper and only facebook to keep me informed of latest goings on, i will surely have no clue (:

the things you say you will never do....

it is amazing how we think and say that we will never do things and then we do...like all those things your parents said to you and now you do to your own kids. one thing i have been torn about lately is something that most people don't talk about...co-sleeping. when sophia was born, she slept in a little crib in our room. she did this until about 8 months old. then at 8 months, she was waking up so upset either because of her tummy or her teeth or she just needed to be comforted. at that point i put her in the bed and for the first time in 8 months she slept all night!!! it was amazing! and there she has been since then. i know that she will need to move to her own bed in her own room soon but i am realizing how short this baby stage is, even more so than with our first child. i cannot believe sophia will be a year old in may; it has gone by so much quicker this time. i thought things had to be very "by the book" with our first, ella. i thought she had to have this fairly strict eating schedule, had to sleep in her bed at every single night, and it still breaks my heart that we let her cry it out many nights. i'm not saying that those are bad things...i just know now that i should have been a bit more laid back about those things. so i am soaking up those sweet little feet in my ribs at night...the midnight wakings for a cuddle...the holding hands while she goes to sleep. i know some people say that babies should be able to self soothe and sleep on their own by this age but i am realizing more and more that babies just need to be close to their parents. even ella, now 4 1/2, just wants to be with us, during the day at night, whenever. and i want that too....childhood goes by too quickly...too soon they will be teenage girls who don't want to hang out with us old people (o: like my other post, we were made to be dependent on one another and i can't think of a more perfect example than a sweet little baby and her precious big sister.